Sex: Part 2 - Sex and Sexuality

"Muslim men are afraid of a woman's sexuality, that's why she has to hide under cloth."

This was another statement told to me, that I felt deserved its own blog slot.

Firstly, let me just say that no Muslim woman hides, we cover. Most of the women I know are quite confident and have no need to hide anything. We cover our bodies as much as we feel is right for our religion and as a worship to God. For some women that would be completely in black covered from head to foot and for others it would be partially in black with regular loose clothing and for others it would be a range of colours and very creatively but still very modestly covered. 

In the Uk, women are free to express their sexuality in any way they wish. For Muslim women, most of that expression happens in the privacy of their own home as part of a family growing up as a child with your siblings and subsequently as a wife with your husband. Once a woman is within the privacy of her own home with her husband, she can be as creative as she likes, wearing what she likes and being as sexually expressive as she likes to be. I can imagine that most husbands would not have a problem with their wife expressing her sexuality at home, within the confines of their marriage, however fierce that sexuality is. 

Sex is a part of sexuality and I get the impression that non Muslims think that Muslim women are so restricted that we are not allowed to be normal and powerful in ourselves within a private and intimate situation. That's so rubbish.

My realisation of my own sexuality came about quite a bit later than what is considered 'normal' I guess because I had other things occupying my mind, like safety from harmful people. Whenever a man came within a meter distance I'd be so conscious of his presence and how I could escape if he became aggressive, I didn't have room in my mind for any other thoughts or feelings during puberty. I still felt the same when I got married as my husband wasn't in the least bit affectionate and so I didn't catch up with myself, sexuality-wise, until just as I was getting divorced, which truly is funny. 

Sex and sexuality is celebrated in Islam, it's just celebrated in a context that protects both people and gives them privacy to be themselves. It annoys me so badly much when non Muslims suggest that to be out, proud and confident with your sexuality is the only way to have freedom in this area, if it's not all on show then you're not free apparently. Another load of rubbish. Just because there are some horror stories from within the Islamic society about suppressed females being bullied and intimidated, it doesn't at all mean that's the norm or the majority. Neither would it be for me to assume that when I see girls vomit all over the street from binge drinking, that all non religious girls behaved like this or held these values.

Allah has given us guidelines as to the proper context for a woman to express her sexuality. In this context there is protection, safety, trust and commitment and in the other there are manifold dangers, no trust or commitment. Just luck and often poor judgement.

Islam offers protection to women, safety and true value.