The man who lived near me in Bristol who walked up the escalator on every second step. OCD he told me after I asked him a million times what was up with him. He told me some of his life and I told him some of mine. He disliked me at first, annoying, and kept telling me to mind my own business. We were very similar both had challenges in life. I was bold but he was reserved. I knew him before I went back home for that one week and I knew him after I went back into care and couldn't speak any more. I went to the same places but I couldn't talk to him but I still turned up knowing I would see him. I remember sitting in the mall in silence with him. He knew something was badly wrong and didn't ask me but he touched my hair (in a nice way) and told me I would be ok.
Crazyass family I stayed with over one Christmas. Didn't overload me with meaningless gifts but the mum made me a pencil case with my name embroidered onto it. Loved it so much.
Police Officer who picked me up so many times when I ran away. He sat talking to me several times in his car about anger management and my aggression. Got one shop to drop the charges against me for shop lifting if I agreed not to return to that shop. I wasn't ready to listen but he did really try to help me.
Woman at the bus stop who told me I looked so pretty and when I asked her in what way, she told me specifically what she liked about my features ha! Embarrassing, her answer but it was so lovely to be told that by someone.
The social worker who enrolled me at kick boxing classes. "Less talking; more action" she used to tell me. I told her "You first" and so then I had to turn up at these dumb classes. It proved to be a lifeline for me and gave me confidence not to carry a knife any more.
The dumbest mongral cat who used to sit meowling at the window of an empty shop! We swapped food for affection and the occasional bath in my sink. It was a good trade.
A teacher at a school in Liverpool. She was a rubbish teacher but a nice person. Kind, consistent and not preoccupied. 100% attention. I felt valued in her company.
A Muslimah who introduced me to Islam. Not easy to talk about your religion but I am thankful to Allah (subhana wa ta ala) that she did.
My online 'Grandad' who encourages and challenges me.
Radio presenter. Warm, friendly smartass, inclusive, compassionate and very clever. Listening to him helps my vocabulary and critical thinking.
We can all make a difference to someone.
Tuesday 23 June 2015
Offending Rates Among Children In Care Investigated
"The state not only has a duty to be a parent, but it has a moral responsibility to be a really good parent"
I am as disgusted at Lord Laming's statements now as I was about his report in March 2009 when I was still in the system myself.
Most often, children are in care and offending because they have been offended against.
This is an overview of my experience in care, parented by the fucking govt.
I went into care at age 5. I had multiple fractures and had been beat on hard by idk who, probably some waster who was around my mum. So not difficult for the govt, via the local authority, to be a better parent than that. You would think uh?
5-8 years I was moved three times. Not just homes but complete areas. I had an older sister in care who I didn't get to see and an area and school that I was familiar with, that I was removed from without any explanation or apology to me. So aside from my bumpy start in life, which i'm sure I would have got over being so young, my parenting by the system started with some no mark making decisions about my fucking life, to move me around like some chess pawn, to hit their targets and report back at one of their, coffee and bitch, meetings.
I'm not bitter; I'm angry because STILL no fucker is listening.
Maybe Mr Laming will actually get it if he and me spoke face to face and he felt my fury and contempt for his moral obligations.
By nine I was moved area and school again and I felt so scared where I lived that I carried a knife everywhere and took it out twice to use, thankfully not fatally or seriously injurious but enough to make me ashamed these days.
I did have a code though. I developed my own at 13 when I came out of my emotional coma and started speaking again after five years of silence. Very few people around me had any moral substance or character. No one spoke about honour or duty, dignity or other virtues. Mostly it was just randoms controlling my life for their own benefit and convenience.
Do you know Lord Laming, what it is like to not be able to relax where you live?? I am sure you do a hard days work and you get home and relax. I could never do that, never. Most of the kids in care with me could never do that either. You have a constant hard belly where you are anxious and your adrenaline is on high alert in case someone takes your stuff or gets up in your face about something so badly that it escalates real fast into a fight. Maybe you looked at their boyfriend, moved their shoe or changed the channel on the TV, sure normal for kids to ruck about this stuff...but not normal in this environment is that someone will end up bleeding. Where are the en loco parentis in this place??? Outside having a chat and a line with some blokes who regularly take a few of the girls out to 'parties' and buy them 'gifts'.
This is all better than what my mum provided for me uh???
James O Brien (@LBC @mrjamesob) goes on about reading books and how impotent it is. I only just have realised that reading (and learning in general) is something you can only do when you're relaxed, and not constantly living your life in a high state of red alert and anxiety. How the FUCK can you expect kids living like this to suddenly get into the classroom and be interested in fucking history when their head is filled with their own history they need to make sense of. How can they sit and learn about Sentence Structure, Algebra and Pygfuckingmalion when they know a heap of trouble is waiting for them back at the house or on the way home and that next week you're moving them again anyway!!!
From 10 until 16 more of the same, add some fucked-up foster carers, well-meaning but over-worked/under-resourced social workers, idiotic key workers who just wanted to be your friend rather than do anything meaningful for your life, bit of shop lifting, some random vandalism, an education system that races forward and leaves you behind if you move catchment areas too much and yeah... I will take responsibility for being offensive. Right about when you take responsibility for being an arrogant fuckwad who knows FUCK ALL!!!
The only Lord that I respect is Allah (subhana wa ta 3la)
I am as disgusted at Lord Laming's statements now as I was about his report in March 2009 when I was still in the system myself.
Most often, children are in care and offending because they have been offended against.
This is an overview of my experience in care, parented by the fucking govt.
I went into care at age 5. I had multiple fractures and had been beat on hard by idk who, probably some waster who was around my mum. So not difficult for the govt, via the local authority, to be a better parent than that. You would think uh?
5-8 years I was moved three times. Not just homes but complete areas. I had an older sister in care who I didn't get to see and an area and school that I was familiar with, that I was removed from without any explanation or apology to me. So aside from my bumpy start in life, which i'm sure I would have got over being so young, my parenting by the system started with some no mark making decisions about my fucking life, to move me around like some chess pawn, to hit their targets and report back at one of their, coffee and bitch, meetings.
I'm not bitter; I'm angry because STILL no fucker is listening.
Maybe Mr Laming will actually get it if he and me spoke face to face and he felt my fury and contempt for his moral obligations.
By nine I was moved area and school again and I felt so scared where I lived that I carried a knife everywhere and took it out twice to use, thankfully not fatally or seriously injurious but enough to make me ashamed these days.
I did have a code though. I developed my own at 13 when I came out of my emotional coma and started speaking again after five years of silence. Very few people around me had any moral substance or character. No one spoke about honour or duty, dignity or other virtues. Mostly it was just randoms controlling my life for their own benefit and convenience.
Do you know Lord Laming, what it is like to not be able to relax where you live?? I am sure you do a hard days work and you get home and relax. I could never do that, never. Most of the kids in care with me could never do that either. You have a constant hard belly where you are anxious and your adrenaline is on high alert in case someone takes your stuff or gets up in your face about something so badly that it escalates real fast into a fight. Maybe you looked at their boyfriend, moved their shoe or changed the channel on the TV, sure normal for kids to ruck about this stuff...but not normal in this environment is that someone will end up bleeding. Where are the en loco parentis in this place??? Outside having a chat and a line with some blokes who regularly take a few of the girls out to 'parties' and buy them 'gifts'.
This is all better than what my mum provided for me uh???
James O Brien (@LBC @mrjamesob) goes on about reading books and how impotent it is. I only just have realised that reading (and learning in general) is something you can only do when you're relaxed, and not constantly living your life in a high state of red alert and anxiety. How the FUCK can you expect kids living like this to suddenly get into the classroom and be interested in fucking history when their head is filled with their own history they need to make sense of. How can they sit and learn about Sentence Structure, Algebra and Pygfuckingmalion when they know a heap of trouble is waiting for them back at the house or on the way home and that next week you're moving them again anyway!!!
From 10 until 16 more of the same, add some fucked-up foster carers, well-meaning but over-worked/under-resourced social workers, idiotic key workers who just wanted to be your friend rather than do anything meaningful for your life, bit of shop lifting, some random vandalism, an education system that races forward and leaves you behind if you move catchment areas too much and yeah... I will take responsibility for being offensive. Right about when you take responsibility for being an arrogant fuckwad who knows FUCK ALL!!!
The only Lord that I respect is Allah (subhana wa ta 3la)
Monday 22 June 2015
Knife Crime: Stop Search. LBC
I got a bit lost today speaking to @mrjamesob (weekdays 10am - 1pm) @LBC, on the topic of Knife Crime and the discussion about whether Stop/Search is a successful measure in preventing knife crime by removing them from the streets. I rang in to say why it wasn't.
I figured he might ask me then, what I thought would be a solution to the recent rise in knife crime and I was busy trying to think of an effective policy when I was live on air and momentarily lost my trail of thought!
Stop/Search would only be acceptable if it was properly targeted at known gang members and previously convicted criminals, which of course, is heavily reliant on the good intelligence and local knowledge of police officers coupled with enough of them out walking their communities and not banged up in the office with 6 months of paperwork before they are let out on good behaviour.
If it was targeted specifically at known individuals and not the random lazyass way it has been employed in the past, there might be more successful convictions for the offense, better relations with young people who are just minding their own business and less chance of fear being a factor in people carrying defensively, which is what I used to do.
I went into care at 5, stayed in care until 8 when I went back 'home'. Totally friken excited as my mum had cleaned herself up and we were a family again but I ended up coming back into care a week later. From that point I stopped speaking to and trusting everyone. I was silent for 5 years until 13, I was distant, aggressive and vulnerable. I knew I was vulnerable because I saw what happened to other people and so I started to carry a knife to defend myself. I didn't see I had a choice.
If social services had adequate protective policies in place I probably wouldn't have started carrying one but at that time, the only answer they had was to move me! This makes kids more at risk from sick fucks because you are the new kid again and you have to learn quickly about the people you're living with.
If the police had an effective strategy in dealing with knife crime, then a ton of other people wouldn't feel they needed to leave the house with what they see as a protective weapon.
At 13 I had started to lean kick boxing and never looked back. It's my fitness thing and my confident safeguard in fighting off any idiot who gets in my face and won't go away when politely asked to. I will be teaching my girl kickboxing and my step son is well able to deal with people. His dad already taught him.
All kids should be taught self-defense.
I figured he might ask me then, what I thought would be a solution to the recent rise in knife crime and I was busy trying to think of an effective policy when I was live on air and momentarily lost my trail of thought!
Stop/Search would only be acceptable if it was properly targeted at known gang members and previously convicted criminals, which of course, is heavily reliant on the good intelligence and local knowledge of police officers coupled with enough of them out walking their communities and not banged up in the office with 6 months of paperwork before they are let out on good behaviour.
If it was targeted specifically at known individuals and not the random lazyass way it has been employed in the past, there might be more successful convictions for the offense, better relations with young people who are just minding their own business and less chance of fear being a factor in people carrying defensively, which is what I used to do.
I went into care at 5, stayed in care until 8 when I went back 'home'. Totally friken excited as my mum had cleaned herself up and we were a family again but I ended up coming back into care a week later. From that point I stopped speaking to and trusting everyone. I was silent for 5 years until 13, I was distant, aggressive and vulnerable. I knew I was vulnerable because I saw what happened to other people and so I started to carry a knife to defend myself. I didn't see I had a choice.
If social services had adequate protective policies in place I probably wouldn't have started carrying one but at that time, the only answer they had was to move me! This makes kids more at risk from sick fucks because you are the new kid again and you have to learn quickly about the people you're living with.
If the police had an effective strategy in dealing with knife crime, then a ton of other people wouldn't feel they needed to leave the house with what they see as a protective weapon.
At 13 I had started to lean kick boxing and never looked back. It's my fitness thing and my confident safeguard in fighting off any idiot who gets in my face and won't go away when politely asked to. I will be teaching my girl kickboxing and my step son is well able to deal with people. His dad already taught him.
All kids should be taught self-defense.
Monday 15 June 2015
Smacking Kids "Never did me any harm"
The topic becomes immediately apparent from the well-worn platitude. The debate is always whether smacking kids is wrong or right to do and justified by this vacuous tagline. The discussion about adults hitting kids, is always moralistic and loaded with judgements about other peoples' parenting choices and socio-economic group.
Punishment comes from religion. Only Allah (subhana wa ta ala) can punish. Can I punish any other human being whether they are smaller or bigger than me? No. How is that going to work uh? I considered what you did wrong to me so I can smack you? Why not? Maybe because you don't belong to me and I have got no right to even put my hands on you. Well a kid doesn't belong to anyone either, no-one owns them. You might have gave birth to them but that doesn't mean you own them. They are not your property, they are a human being that should be respected no matter how old they are. What is the difference between a old person who has dementia, someone who is adult with the mental capacity of like 5 years old and a actual kid? People will say well, two are adults. True, but their capacity to understand and reason is seriously impaired! That's the argument a lot of people give for smacking kids is that kids lack the capacity to be reasoned with. So a small tap on the hand is ok for dementia patients who often say F and C, spit, kick, bite and scratch then? Of course not.
RESPECT & DIGNITY...
...are human rights that are not made irrelevant depending on the person's age. They don't weaken authority as some seem to think, they are character driven and can only serve to strengthen authority when implemented. Respecting a person, no matter how small, doesn't mean you pander to their every whimper and transform yourself into some placenta-munching, soft-speaking applauder of poo and pictures. Crikey save me from that!
It just means that you treat that person like you want to be treated.
You and I make mistakes. We do stuff wrong on purpose but somehow when we do it, it's understandable. There are mitigating circumstances that help us to feel justified in our deficiencies.
Yet when someone with less ability to self-regulate does a wrong thing we seem to think it's ok to physically put our hands on them.
I find it so weird that Islam permits husbands to physically chastise their wife, which I understand more, and other people alarm at that. While kids get little outrage even though they're smaller and inexperienced in their life choices and consequences!
This world is seriously messed up!
Ideal Home
Lady arrived at our residential care home; a new resident. Proper nice lady, speaks like the Queen. I love it when we get new residents because I love people! There are roughly seven and a half billion people in the world and only one like you or me. Don't you think that's amazing!!!!! Even after my degree is finished... HA! I haven't even started it yet!! I will still want to do this work. I love it so much!!
I want to run a home actually, based on a linear model not a heirarchical one. Where the management simply have a different role but cross over in that role depending on the needs of the home. Similarly, with the care staff. I want specialist care staff that go to meetings and input as they work with residents and know them really well so their opinion and expertise is valued and heard. I want kitchen staff that feed the whole home managers included. At some homes, no one will eat the same food as the residents because either the kitchen staff are unhiegenic or the food is recycled way too much! So I want it like a cafeteria where everyone eats as opposed to a trolly that's pushed around to the resident's dining room.
I want rooms decorated and sponsored by some of the large chains. They'll be decorated wonderfully and also the rooms will be so different! Sure for advertising purposes but in a large home that would pay off well I think. I would have local florists doing fresh flowers for the day rooms and I would ask local allotement growers to sell their fresh produce to us.
I'd have a seperate out building for a loo because it's nostalgic HA!!! Jokes...An out building for production where residents could go and work if they wanted to still. They would earn some money and keep their own self occupied under supervision, especially blokes who get so bored in homes generally because their time isn't filled with pampering and nail painting and having their hair shampooed and put in rollers.
I'd even have the cafeteria open to the public I think... that way the food would have to be nice and it would provide a much needed link to the outside community. It's a shame, like a really proper shame on all of us in this world that we shut people with dementia away and forget about them even when they are just next door to our house or work place.
Where is the nearest residential home to your work place uh??? Go in there and show your skill or provide some of your time for them even one hour to display your skill.
I want to revolutionise this industry. It needs it, people with dementia need it. They need more than a cursory glance and smile from our day.
I want to run a home actually, based on a linear model not a heirarchical one. Where the management simply have a different role but cross over in that role depending on the needs of the home. Similarly, with the care staff. I want specialist care staff that go to meetings and input as they work with residents and know them really well so their opinion and expertise is valued and heard. I want kitchen staff that feed the whole home managers included. At some homes, no one will eat the same food as the residents because either the kitchen staff are unhiegenic or the food is recycled way too much! So I want it like a cafeteria where everyone eats as opposed to a trolly that's pushed around to the resident's dining room.
I want rooms decorated and sponsored by some of the large chains. They'll be decorated wonderfully and also the rooms will be so different! Sure for advertising purposes but in a large home that would pay off well I think. I would have local florists doing fresh flowers for the day rooms and I would ask local allotement growers to sell their fresh produce to us.
I'd have a seperate out building for a loo because it's nostalgic HA!!! Jokes...An out building for production where residents could go and work if they wanted to still. They would earn some money and keep their own self occupied under supervision, especially blokes who get so bored in homes generally because their time isn't filled with pampering and nail painting and having their hair shampooed and put in rollers.
I'd even have the cafeteria open to the public I think... that way the food would have to be nice and it would provide a much needed link to the outside community. It's a shame, like a really proper shame on all of us in this world that we shut people with dementia away and forget about them even when they are just next door to our house or work place.
Where is the nearest residential home to your work place uh??? Go in there and show your skill or provide some of your time for them even one hour to display your skill.
I want to revolutionise this industry. It needs it, people with dementia need it. They need more than a cursory glance and smile from our day.
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