Passive Bullies

I frieken hate bullies and I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when I come across one. The one we got at work has a really bad attitude without any obvious reason that I can see other than an immature knee-jerk against any authority. He is so powerless in his own life that he has to over-emphasise to his own self the little power that he can feel from daily interactions. He has no power in relationships to hold onto friends although he swears he has loads and he has zero power in communication to be interesting to regular people.

Most bullies are boring and the talkative ones are such a drain on your energy to listen to.

I don't think this bloke knows he's a bully though. I think if someone told him that, he would be crushed and upset, as he considers himself a sensitive person. I don't recognise any sensitivity in him, to me it seems he just says that because he feels emotional. To him, that equals sensitivity..

When he gets a stink on, he works really badly, letting down the team. He knows he is doing that, he knows he is ticking everyone off and making their own job intolerable and yet he continues. Line managers don't pull him up on his tardiness and bad attitude because they know he will curse them and be even harder to work with because he sulks and slows everyone down so badly much.

There's another bloke I know of who is similar and bullies his wife. Not actively, but with his bad attitude to her. He says all their marital problems (stagnation) are her fault and that he is just a victim of her indifference but as I have got to know him I realise that he is also insensitive, boring and immature. I'm not at all surprised that she is reacting badly to him because he doesn't see any fault in himself at all and any discussion that even implies he is in-part, responsible for his predicament, he gets a sulk on, moodiness holds the whole place to ransom until someone strokes his ego and provides him a way out as he can't even seem to regulate his own emotions - he is more subject to them.

Again, this man too thinks he is exciting and innovative, fun and interesting but he's just a bore with nothing in his life but his daily routine and he doesn't even bring anything to the table for discussion except topics that no one is interested in but people play along for a few moments so as not to be rude.

His wife is intelligent, deep and funny but she is extremely lonely because they are not soul mates. not in love, not anything in common personality wise. When he is in the physical mood she has his undivided attention but other than that their life is all about him and that's all he really talks about is himself.

I'm convinced that both these people can see who they really are and hate themselves so much because they feel powerless to do anything about it. Any hint of their own real reflection looking back at themselves sends them into their feet-stamping, emotional hostage behaviour. I do feel sorry for them both but seriously you can't have a successful relationship with anyone who is like that. It's doomed from the start as they can't accept any responsibility and their ego is way too fragile to progress. 

Working with them is a mare! I never know what the right thing is to do. Be real with them and have my own peace or placate them and use up a lot of my own internal resources in the process for the sake of others.

I've never been very patient or tolerant with people like this. I always think I am wasting time on babies who need to grow the heck up when I could be spending my time with people who really need help. But then others might argue, that people like this need help too, they're just stuck in a different kind of way. 

I said to a colleague that I come to work, to work, not to make friends. She said that you can't fall out with people at work because you have to work with them every day and it makes your day horrible and you also might need them at some point. If that's the case then you'd be sucking up to everyone your whole entire life! Just in case...

I'm not feelin it.