Therapy 90% BS

Personal Therapy. I had to endure it for years as a kid. It nearly made me vomit I seriously couldn't eat before each session not because it was 'scary dealing with your feelings' as the kidipsychs used to tell me, but because most of it is utter bullcrap and I couldn't tolerate it in my ears!

The psychs I saw were not able to deal successfully even with their own lives to the same standard as the guidance they give to you. I gained more insight and knowledge from sitting in silence for 4 years and observing the people that were observing me! Watching their body language when they talked about certain topic at me, watching their face contort or their eyes flicker or their foot bounce up and down or them scratch their face when they knew what they were saying was complete trash. Why do people think kids can't see that? It's like telling your daughter she is beautiful every day and encouraging her in all her efforts and telling her she can do and be whatever and whomever she wants....then acting the exact opposite because you have a shocking low self-esteem. Your daughter is going to copy you, she observes you, she will see truth in you...not what you tell her.

My weekly visits to the brightly coloured, well stocked, Drawing Therapy room, got to be kind of funny, especially when I copied the psych's physical idiosyncrasies or exaggerated them until they ended the session early because it was bare uncomfortable to them. Yeh childish but I was a child and a bored one!

If you learned Psychology in school it would be much more helpful because Therapists get in the way of you learning anything significant because you're looking to the therapist all the time, 'transference' and all that, when the therapist becomes significant to you or in my case, becomes a blockage to you and another relationship you have to figure out!

I sometimes wish I could go back to not speaking to anyone ever because no one bothers you, it's too dam awkward for them and they give you a wide berth.

But on the whole I love to speak and communicate with people. It's just relationships omg, I am so rubbish at them. Friendships, significant other....makes no difference I have no friken clue what people want and what to give them, how much, when...dependent, inter-dependent, co-dependent, it's all a mare and although work is busy and I love getting as much into a day as possible, relationships is the one area I want peaceful and calm with clear communication.

"Babe are you vexed at me?"

"Yeh"

"What did I do?"

"You said such and such..."

" Yeh but that's because..."

"Oh I see I didn't realise..."

"Ok so are we good?"

"Sure, it's all good"

That's how I want it. No stress, no games, no manipulation, no sarcasm (during serious matters), no attention seeking (during serious matters), no cruelty verbally or otherwise, no stepping over that line. You have to have a line or you end up wounding each other.

The one annoying thing about personal therapy is that some of the strands running through all the crud are actual truths because they are psychological truths. But with psychology, people generally get dazzled by the dross and miss those fine grey hairs of wisdom thinking they're worthless. I'm currently trying to knit them strands together to mend the hole in my marriage.

Apparently, I'm told that's a "doorknobber"!