Islam: I have a lot of thinking to do...

I recently encountered someone who reverted to Islam purely because of marriage and being in love etc...

When they told me they reverted I should have been thinking, Alhamdulillah!!!! But I wasn't, I was thinking, that's messed up.

Couple of weeks and it was still bothering me, like a tiny stone in your shoe that you leave there because you're busy and finally it gets so annoying that you have to deal with it, I thought about why it was bothering me so much and it's because I am afraid I might have done the same thing and dislike myself for it.

If I did, my decision is worse because I did it preemptively. Marriage and family life is a huge part of Islam, sure some people remain unmarried but not many because we are taught it is half our deen (religion). In other words, it means more good deeds counted in your favour on that final day, if you get married.

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Anas ibn Maalik (R) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (S) said:

whoever Allaah blesses with a righteous wife, then He has assisted him in half of his deen. So therefore, let him fear Allah in the other half. (Al-Mustadrak: 10/2681) Al-Albaanee declared the hadeeth hasan in Saheeh At-Targheeb (1916)

Explanation...

'That is because the greatest trial that takes a significant toll on a person's deen are the desires of the stomach and the desires of the private parts, and a righteous woman safeguards a man from zinaa, which accounts for the first half. Hence, the second half remains and that is the desires of the stomach. Thus he (S) advised him with taqwaa so he can perfect his deen and obtain istiqaamah (be upright and obedient).' He also said, “He (S) specifically mentioned a righteous wife because a woman who is otherwise may safeguard her husband from zinaa, however she would make him bend his back over trying to obtain worthless things from that which is haraam.” (Al-Faydul-Qadeer: hadeeth nos. 8704)

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I knew this as I chose Islam. I knew I would 'have' to get married....maybe I wanted marriage and family more than the nonchalance I showed at the time. I knew marriage was arranged....maybe I wanted it that way because I didn't believe in the concept of  'in-love' . Secular relationships just looked a whole lot of mess to me and I had stayed away from them for that reason.

The more I think about it, the more I am scared that's what I might have done.

So where does that leave me regarding the truth of Islam? How can I trust even my own principles?? How can a person know they are in self-deceit?

I refuse to believe we are all just led by our fears and needs. That really is pathetic especially if you're making huge decisions unaware of the real desire that is behind them.

How can anyone avoid that weakness in themself?

I hate this discovery - I friken hate it!

If I wasn't Muslim and suddenly fell in love with someone who wasn't Muslim also, and I was as happy as I could be....would I choose Islam? Would I even choose any religion? idk