Filling your house with stuff

I have recently acquired a house due to my divorce. It's mine, like it's in my name but it's a house provided by my ex for my baby girl to grow up in. So it's hers really.

These last few weeks I have been half excited to have it and half not. Excited because It would seem that I have my own home and growing up in care, I never had that base, that security and that belonging. Half not excited because the only reason I have it is because I gave my virginity to my ex husband and we made a baby. So if it belongs to me, then it feels like a trade and that sucks so badly I can't even think about it much. So I have decided it is my daughters' house and her future college and uni fund. After all, that's why my ex provided it, for her security to grow up in (not to mention the small matter of his pending court case for domestic abuse which he more than hinted at when we exchanged the contract - douche)

There are three bedrooms so, the third bedroom I intent to rent out (ia) and the profit on that room I shall put away for a deposit on my own house of my choosing, that I will have saved for and I figured I'd keep any extra profit on top of the current value of the house because I will be maintaining it for the future.  Mental gymnastics I know, but the "home" thing is so important to me and how I come by things is also so important to me too. I have to feel good about how I accept anything, I guess we all do. If I lose myself in life then I have nothing, truly nothing. People come and go, stuff comes and goes, you always have who you are and hopefully we can look in the mirror and not feel too ashamed of ourselves in life. That's the treasure right there, for me.

I own a rucksack full of clothes and some shoes, some tech and that's it. Now I have to think about sofas and cushions, pictures, pots pans and ornabloodyments. I'm not bothered about belongings,  I hate clutter and unnecessary items but I am now tasked with creating a home, a home where my girl will grow up. How do you create that home when some of it is down to belongings which fill that house? That hard part is that I don't want to give her values that I don't believe in so how can I fill a house with stuff when I don't need or like all that? But also I don't want her to be uncomfortable and embarrassed to bring her friends back to where she lives. I don't want her to struggle to call a place a home like I do now. I want this to be natural for her to feel comfortable in but also to be able to drop in in a heartbeat and not look back.

I saw that with people who had their houses flooded recently, some for the second or third time. There were people who came to terms with what happened quickly and were instantly looking forward like what they are going to do and formulating a plan and there were some who were devastated like they had lost everything in life just because their house was flooded. It's stuff, keep your history in your heart not in items that will ruin and be thieved. 

The other things is, I so don't care about what all the stuff in the house looks like, colours, style etc, that it makes it really hard to think about choosing anything. I just feel like I'm being swallowed up by consumerism and trudging into the murky world of what's trending.

I feel the same about my blog when helpful well meaning people are like...."With a few tweaks your blog could be..this....and ....that... and you could earn some serious coin"

I DON'T CARE!!!!!

My blog is for me, read it or don't read it. I don't live for money, I don't live for notoriety or chase after fame or suck up to B listers. I live for Allah (swt) and try and do my best.

Stuff doesn't matter - home is where your blood is at.