Sex: Part 1 - Balance of Power

"For Muslims, it seems that men can be promiscuous before marriage, it's frowned upon but kind of quietly accepted and women absolutely cannot indulge their sex drive or they are looked upon as filthy and damaged goods. Ergo men have more sexual power than women"

Someone at work spat this at me recently and I didn't attempt to counter it as the person wasn't interested in a debate.

I see it like this...an Islamic frame of reference is that sex before marriage is not permitted. On the whole, single women in Islam are protected more from this 'sin' than men, as they are accompanied at most, if not all, times - where as men are not as protected. Men are largely left unprotected and with generally more visual prompts and more opportunity, they can decide to have sex outside Islamic boundaries more easily than women and often with little or no consequences. Therefore men are more vulnerable than women are in this area. Women would have to circumvent fathers, brothers, uncles and sisters too.

Therefore I would say, in answer to the original statement, men generally have less power than women as women have more assistance to remain chaste from family and community.

If you view sex outside of marriage as a normal and part of your freedom in life, then you would view the ability to indulge in sexual activity whenever you liked, as being a powerful choice to make. If, however, you view promiscuity as harmful and morally wrong, then it's easy to feel for a Muslim man's position as being more vulnerable and less powerful than your own as a woman. I certainly feel this way and don't see there being in any way an imbalance in power in favour of the man. It is very hard on a man to walk through a whole entire day looking at his shoes, especially in the west.

Having said that, in some ways, men have less pressure on them during their arranged marriage as hardly any female I know stipulates to a potential husband that they want a virgin man and in any case, a deceptive man could simply bluff his way forward and not pull out of any further meetings. Where as, if a man stipulates that he is looking to marry a virgin, there is physical evidence on her part to make her fear being asked this question, if she had ever crossed this line in Islam. I often wonder what his reaction would be if she replied that she was not a virgin and it was not down to her choice that this was the case. How could he make such a stipulation then walk away after such an answer. If he stays she will know his true thoughts, if he leaves, he will feel like a tool knowing that this probably crushed her.

Maybe not making any stipulation from either side would be better.

I know it's testosterone but, I do wonder why men are more physically powerful than women in general, why Allah swt designed it that way? Physical protection of women and family? That's why it's such a bad thing when women come across physically abusive men. Something that should be so safe and intoxicating for a woman, becomes a thing of fear or mistrust.

I wonder if women had the penis and men the vagina, things might be different?